The MHO

The MHO came to do my assessment thing and is not long away. She asked ALOT of questions! My mum was sitting with me for the first part until we started getting into more detail such as my reasons for overdosing etc, my mum took the dog out the back for a while to let me and the MHO talk.

Somehow it came about that i had a knife with me in hospital. I didnt think much of it at first when i was asking but it has been a reoccuring question. When the nurse was making my bed i took my bag into the toilet sprayed myself with deodurant and got into my pyjammas. At that point a nurse walked in and asked what i was doing. Obviously my legs were all scarred! I said just putting my pyjammas on and then went to bed. When the doctor came round asking if i had a knife on me and i stated no i had no idea where the accusation had came from. The MHO mensioned it aswell and i told her no i didnt have one and if they really thought i had one why didnt they search my bag like they normally do.

Anyway i didnt have a knife or extra mediation with me i just wanted out of there and wasnt gonna do anything else that would make me stay in for longer.

The MHO said i clearly wasnt a risk to anyone other than myself and that she thinks my puppy is the best thing for me – she told this to my mum aswell. I told her i wanted proper support on a week to week basis and she was VERY shocked i havnt been receiving any. She is going to write a letter to both the psychiatrists with the report and send me a copy too. She asked about my childhood and qualifications. Basically everything thats happened in my life! I told her about the abuse and seeing BTS, being bullied in school, parents not believing me about the abuse, my previous self harm etc. She totally agrees with the BPD diagnonsense. She has left me her name, number and address to contact her and let her know what support has been put in place and if non she is going to get something sorted for me, she feels it is important i see someone on a weekly basis and also feels it necessary for me to have some form of sleeping tablet (Zopiclone) or diazepam for evening – even a couple to add to my weekly prescription. I told her i feel lower when i have lack of sleep so feel these kind of meds would make a big difference in my life. I will phone the GP tomorrow.

I feel hopeful that something will be done this time and that i will receive the support i should have had a long time ago. If it doesnt happen this time i will feel very let down and like im not important and not worthy of the NHS services.

xxx