What else?

What else can i buy thats smaller but still fits me?

im currently wearing a size 20 cardigan – i went out and bought the same cardigan – different colour in a 16 and it fits.

last week i bought a 38b bra which was too big so now im into a 36c

my jeans and jammies are hanging off.

i have a pair of 16-18 jammies out of primark which i know dont normally fit me so ill try them tonight i think.

Im so bored. I had my house inspection this morning at 10am, needless to say i was still in bed when the man came to the door. not that i cared to be honest. I went and delivered another 4 packs of books finally only have something like 7 packs to deliver which ill have done in no time.

I have the nurse this afternoon for blood tests to make sure my liver and kidneys are still functioning properly. i suppose this is the joys of overdosing and giving yourself such a severe urine infection your crying in pain for days and 1 course of antibiotics is not enough to clear it. so ill find out if yet another course of antibiotics is needed.

This nurse may not know about my overdosing situation so i may be lucky to be able to get a load of zopiclone from her which i know would TOTALLY wind my doctor up if she found out. i plan to build up my collection of zopiclone cos if 3 can knock me out clean – with no memory of anything for a day and cause me to see double when i wake up think what 28 or so could do. WOW. I never overdose on zopiclone alone cos thats just boring. zopiclone is just the icing on the cake its the one i happily carry with me to the hospital and take it when i get there so i k.o and dont feel the reactions to the parvolex drip (it sooo worked the last time), but it caused a bit of bother cos i couldnt tell them i couldnt breathe etc like i can when im concious so it did kinda cause a siezure through low sats…oops. If im gonna overdose again im gonna do it right and knock myself out totally hence the reason for a good 28-30ish zopiclone. That should be lethal.

It feels a little like being drunk without the sickness and bloatedness and the hangover afterwards. when i wake up i just giggle because my eyes dont work as a pair they work by themselves so i see double. many a morning iv been staring at the railings on the cieling for the curtains around my hospital bed and the straight railings have started to bend because of my eyes playing funny buggers it takes a good few hours for that to go away. Nurses dont trust you to go to the toilet alone so they are standing at the door chapping every 5 seconds asking if your ok – simply because i refuse point blank to use a commode.

I want to feel that drowsiness again where i dont have a care in the world and i just giggle and do silly things, cause havok and tell people exactly what i think of them then regret it. yet again its a bit like being pissed. if i didnt have taekwondo tonight id sooo be gettin into the vodka right now and its only 2pm.

Im so bored, i just cant be bothered with the t.v, the house is tidy so no point in cleaning that. i just cant sit at peace i want to be doing something. i want to be causing mischief. looks like its 2 classes of taekwondo tonight to burn off some energy and hyperness. i just want to jump and dance and sing. i wish i had my dog to take a walk, to keep me company.

I cancelled my wedding!

When im as bored as this i love a bath which i appear to be addicted to recently but at 2pm its a bit silly i suppose.

Im playing a list of things in my head that i can do to keep the boredom away but nothing is appealing – maybe a bike ride along the shore? but with broken toes and alot of TKD to do tonight i cant really afford to burn off too much energy. Finish my painting? nah im not in the mood im worried ill ruin it. play the psp? nope, deliver more books? god no iv done enough today my arms are sore, go to mums shop? nup been there twice already today, watch tv? nope, housework? its all done. SERIOUSLY im bored stupid!

Im just glad the only meds i have in the house are 8 escitalopram a few ibrufen and some cold medicines because if id had any painkillers they would have been swallowed by now. im not suicidal im just bored and need a kick. im also glad i dont have knifes either, well i have 1 but i dunno where it is.

BORED BORED BORED

boredom is LETHAL!!!!!!

xxx