17.04 – General Catch-Up

I had a good weekend at my friends. We just had a relaxing weekend other than going out on Saturday night and getting drunk and also realising the next day that actually we didnt even have dinner before we went out. I suppose that wasnt a clever move but hey ho nothing bad happened when we were out.

I had BTS at 3pm so had to come back over the water for that. I proceeded to tell the woman about my moods yesterday. Let me explain a little about yesterday. As the past 5 days or so have been completely restless for me yesterday was just the icing on the cake. Im going to scale my moods for u from +10 to -10. I woke up and was about a -4ish generally quite rubbish. As the day went on i started becoming VERY hyperactive and my mood shot up to a +8ish in no time. I was talking to things, laughing, being cheeky and generally not thinking before i open my mouth. This can tend to get me into ALOT of trouble as i say things i dont really mean or well just do stupid things, like talk to the kiddies rides in the supermarket when they say “hello, whats your name” to which i kindly give my reply rather loudly. People look rather madly and i just laugh and then i notice my mood is hyper and need to do something to get back down, before i know it less than an hour later my mood was down to a -9, where i told myself that i hated myself and didnt deserve to live. I sat on my friends bed and cried my eyes out for a while, and went back through to the living room where my friend was and apologised for my moods changing so rapidly. Yet again before i knew it my mood was back at a +4 where i was back to being a bit more silly. It wasnt long before my friend gave me meds to calm me down a bit and they worked a treat!

Im going to contact the MHO tomorrow to find out about my appointment with the psychiatrist as i still havnt heard anything. I know the psychiatrist was on holiday but that was ages ago and i really need to see someone as my GP really isnt helping.

I am genuinely worried for my own safety when my moods change so rapidly, i know if last night i hadnt been at my friends the chances of me doing something stupid were like 75% so im glad i was there but at the same time i need to know i can be safe at home too.
I have no idea if the amitriptyline is affecting these moods, wether im better off with something else or a mood stabiliser or what. I really dont know and think i need my meds looked at.

I am going to start a mood graph on an hourly basis and rate my mood between +10 and -10 with some details as to what im feeling at that moment in time after it. This was an idea we came up with at BTS. I have also put my name down for a kind of training day run by the NHS to do with mental health and learning to identify mood changes and how to deal with them. It sounds useful.

I done a bit of shopping before i came back home and i got back home to a nasty surprise – electricity had ran out. contents of my fridge and freezer completely RUINED!!!!!! So im gonna need to nip back out for more stuff like butter etc so i can make dinner. Im going to try mince with pepper sauce, potatoes and veg.

Supposed to have dancing tonight but i will see how my mood is.

xxx